When I met my husband I just naively assumed that when the time came we would be blessed with a baby, no questions asked. I envisaged getting that positive pregnancy test, telling our families, seeing that first scan photo. Little did I know, it wouldn’t be that straightforward.
After we got married we decided to wait a couple of years before thinking about babies. We wanted to spend some time together just us, enjoying holidays, getting our house just right. When we did decide to try for a baby, at first I was super relaxed – “of course it will happen for us, we are born to have children – we love them!”
After six months I started to have a little niggling doubt in my head. After one year I started to get nervous. We took the big step and had all the relevant tests which all came back fine – so what was the problem?!? I will never forget our Doctor saying “just do what comes naturally – like the animals do, when you get the urge, just do it!” Well I’m not quite sure you can just do that in the middle of Sainsburys! Never the less, we carried on, hoping it would happen. When it reached three years of trying I had given up hope. People used to ask “do you want children?”, “When will you have kids?”, “I’m surprised you haven’t had a baby by now, you are so good with them” I wanted to scream in their face “don’t you think we are trying!!!” Nobody meant any harm in their questioning, they just didn’t think. It’s the assumption we have a choice as to when it happens!
As time went on, friend after friend announced their happy news that they were pregnant. I was always delighted for them, but it got harder to hear every time. We were talking about fertility treatment and adoption (both which we were totally comfortable with) but I couldn’t help but feel hopeless and empty. I knew my husband was enough and if children didn’t happen, we loved each other enough to just be us, but we had always dreamt of a family and wanted to try everything before we ‘gave up’. After further doctors appointments and more tests we were finally referred for assistance. The doctor explained we would go on a list for IUI and then IVF. Clomifene was unlikely to work for us they said so on the wait list for assisted conception we went! But in the meantime I was referred for a dye test. The nurse told me sometimes this actually helps people fall pregnant. I wanted to laugh in her face – “I seriously doubt it” I said to my husband. A month later we took our once in a lifetime holiday to Bali to celebrate my husband’s 30th (“we aren’t pregnant, let’s spend our savings on an amazing trip” we said!!!) After enjoying a gin and tonic around the pool (unheard of for me – I am not a drinker!) I realised I was late. I had no signs, no clues, no hope really. So we could not have been more shocked, happy and elated when we discovered I was pregnant! The holiday flew by in a blur of daily pregnancy tests with us desperate to tell family when we got home! Luckily our pregnancy progressed beautifully and after getting that positive test, we told our families and had the magical experience of the first scan. I enjoyed every minute of being pregnant, it was everything I had hoped it would be and our amazing Harry joined us last summer. He has just made us and I hug him that little bit harder when I put him in his cot at night. He was worth the wait – every tear, every appointment, every blood test, every disappointing month before that one in Bali.
But now we encounter the next question “when will you have another?” And my honest answer…”Crikey give us chance to enjoy this one first!”